Online activists have started promoting a new manifesto for the Internet. Unfortunately their message was written in code. Luckily I’ve obtained a secret decoder ring that decrypts their message. I’ve posted both the original and decoded message below.
They say: “We stand for a free and open Internet.” They mean: “We want free Internet service and free content.”
They say: “We support transparent and participatory processes for making Internet policy and the establishment of five basic principles.” They mean: “We want all views we disagree with discarded after an open and participatory process.”
They say: “Expression: Don't censor the Internet.” They mean: “Don’t take down pirated content.”
They say: “Access: Promote universal access to fast and affordable networks.” They mean: “Everyone should be able to quickly download pirated content.”
They say: “Openness: Keep the Internet an open network where everyone is free to connect, communicate, write, read, watch, speak, listen, learn, create and innovate.” They mean: “Don’t block access to illegal content.”
They say: “Innovation: Protect the freedom to innovate and create without permission. Don’t block new technologies, and don’t punish innovators for their users' actions.” They mean: “Don’t block the next MegaUpload or indict the next Kim Dotcom.”
They say: “Privacy: Protect privacy and defend everyone’s ability to control how their data and devices are used.” They mean: “Nobody should know what movies we download illegally and we should be able to play these illegal downloads on any device.”
